Wow! 2011 has been a year full of changes, and the end has not proved different.

Just before leaving town for a visit home for Thanksgiving, I received an email from one of my AWIS board members about a job opportunity at Amgen. Would I be interested in interviewing for this position? I said yes, and later that week had my phone interview. I was then ask to come for an on-site interview, and arranged for this interview to occur the Tuesday after I returned. I prepped as much as possible for the interview, and thought it went well. I was called on Wednesday and offered the position....so on December 19th I am leaving academia and starting my new career in process development in industry!

This has been such a whirlwind, it's hard to take it all in. My salary will be increasing quite a bit, and we are moving to the Thousand Oaks area. Will likely become a two-car family again. Wow. I am excited, but nervous. I want to do a good job, and be successful here since I don't feel I have been all that successful in academia.

Meanwhile, we have both been sick following our trip to Georgia for Turkey day. We finally got around to doing laundry and grocery shopping this weekend, and started looking for a townhouse in Ventura County. Jay has been browsing car websites to find something likely. I have been ignoring clocky in favor of sleeping in. This means I have not been working out AT ALL. We are juicing, and I haven't gained any significant weight, but I don't like how my body looks and feels when I am sedentary.

Christmas shopping has begun. I think that with the move this year happening right at the holidays we will be keeping the celebrations to a minimum. No party, no tree, low-key gifts. Hopefully next year will be more stable at this time!

You know, I really need more userpics. I guess that to make more of those I'd need a hobby or something, as it seems that they should say something about the user. Hmph.

We did our juicing last week, and it was amazing! I had expected to feel hungry, lethargic, maybe even sick, but instead I felt so good. I also lost lots of weight (about 5-6 pounds) which I admit is a real motivator. I think we will be sticking with a modified juice diet through the holiday season this year.

This weekend was nice. I had vowed to continue getting up early each day, but slept in instead. It felt absolutely luxurious. Saturday was the GA-FL game, we watched at home and ate chicken wings Jay made. That night we went to a Halloween party at Jason and Jen's house. Truthfully, it was kind of lame though the food was good and plentiful. I had made severed finger cookies - they looked creepy! Sunday we did Pilates in the morning, and made french onion soup in the crockpot. It turned out quite well, but we have plans to improve the recipe. We also watched the first season of the Walking Dead from AMC. Decided to make that our new show to watch.

Yesterday was Halloween, and I talked Jay into going to the West Hollywood Halloween Carneval with me. We went to dinner at Shamshiri before, and then headed to Sunset Blvd. There were thousands of people, some great costumes and some slightly lame ones. This year we fell into the slightly lame category I think. We were going to rent some costumes, I had wanted to go as a lion tamer and dress Jay up as my lion. But he really wasn't feeling it this year so we just wore our Ren Faire costumes.

Happy Halloween! I can't believe it's already November...

The last time I updated was just after my aunt's death. Things got worse for a little while; my husband received a call just a few weeks later that his mother was fading quickly. He flew into San Antonio to meet his brother, and they drove together to south Georgia. They didn't make it; his mom died early in the morning on September 15. I flew out that Saturday, and she was buried the next week. All of my husband's family from north Georgia attended. We stayed with them at the "big house," his grandparents' old house across the street from his mom's. It's the weekend hunting lodge of a wealthy Floridian now, but he's a very nice man and allowed us to open the house up.

Afterward J.remained in GA for a while to be with family, while I headed back to LA to pick up life. Things have been calm now for a little while, which is nice. We've gotten ourselves into a nice, relaxed groove. What's been going on?

Well, my job search has been ongoing though not as frenzied as perhaps it should be. I've been applying here and there, and talking to people in my network, but not "hardcore" searching. I'll begin that after the holidays, when my co-worker has retired and the other has returned from maternity leave.

I bought Clocky, an alarm clock on wheels, and I've been consistently getting up at 6am to workout before lab everyday. Since I'm up early, getting my workouts in, I'm also at the lab usually no later than 9:30, and often before that. So I'm leaving around 6:30 each day, 7 at the latest. I'm working on my habits of procrastinating, but that one is always a beast. On the health front, we started juicing this week. We bought a juicer, and I love it. I was wondering what I would feel like - in my mind, I figured sluggish and perhaps even nauseous, but that hasn't been the case at all. I've felt perfectly fine, very full and satiated. Virtually no hunger. What we do is drink a juice for breakfast, a normal lunch, and then juice for dinner. I have found that even it's 6 or 7 hours between meals, I don't feel sick, hungry, or tired. And I've lost 5 pounds so far!

Still working through my aunt's estate. Lots left to do, but I'm hopeful it will be wrapped up early next year. Speaking of, I need to make a list of things to do in the new year! I expect some serious goals to be looked at.

Jay and I headed back to Great Falls Montana this weekend to photograph our niece Ashly's wedding. Despite being worried about Delta losing the checked bag containing the lighting rig, the only bad thing that happened was that our early flight out of LA was delayed due to mechanical problems, and we missed our connecting flight in Salt Lake City. We arrived in Great Falls around 5 pm or so, picked up the rental car, and headed to the bride's mother's house where we enjoyed BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and chips with watermelon. It was excellent (I totally broke my vegetarianism this weekend - it can be difficult when traveling, especially to a place like MT). We were up early the next morning to head to the church, set up the lighting, scope out camera settings, and get started on pictures. Jay got great shots, and the reception was a blast. We left around 10 or so, and met our niece Jess for breakfast and coffee the next morning. Checked out of the hotel, and headed to the airport. We left the rental car there, and watched the airshow while waiting for our flight. We spread a blanket in the shade, and between watching biplanes and bombers lounged, chatted, and sort of picnicked. We had a 3 hour layover in SLC, and spent that time hanging out in a pub eating vegetarian food and drinking beer. The flight to LA was very smooth, and despite originally thinking Delta lost our luggage (turned out I looked in the wrong spot), managed to get home, unpacked, and in bed by 1 am. Surprisingly, I got up at 7:30 this morning and made a good start to the week! Hooray for a happy Monday. Maybe things will start to pick up now.

I think I finally hit my limit today. Things have gotten to the point at the lab, that I feel myself getting sick everyday I have to come in to work. That is, if my boss is going to be at work. Sometimes she's not and that's a great day - I love my co-workers, and I love being a scientist. But I cannot take my boss anymore. She's disorganized, loud, shrill, rude, forgetful, distractable/distracting, overbearing, and illogical. I sent out my first resumes today. Fingers crossed. I promised myself if I ever felt this terrible about a job again I'd leave. It's time to keep that promise to myself.

I remember when I used to post regularly; then it slipped to once a month. Is my life really this busy? I think not. Though the last couple of months have been extremely stressful, in both good and bad ways.

In May our great friends the McArthur-Wilson clan came from Canada to stay a week with us. That was fantastic, we loved having a houseful of awesome people. I hated to see them leave. We went to Disneyland, and just in general had a good time. When they left, Jay and I headed to Georgia. Firstly, Jay's cousin Rob married his fiancee Tia (we went to Europe with them last summer). Jay was the best man, and he was so excited to help with this wedding and really gave his all. We were so happy for Rob and Tia. I think they will have a great future together. Immediately afterwards, though, came the harder stuff. First Jay's grandmother was hospitalized with a urinary tract infection that led to dehydration. She's currently under treatment for liver cirrhosis caused by a drug interaction, and so was not taking antibiotics due to the effects this can have on the liver. She was luckily okay, and was able to go home in a few days.

Jay then headed to South Georgia, where he helped his stepfather renovate the master bathroom. His mother has been diagnosed with late-stage Alzheimer's Disease, and has a lot of trouble walking. The new bathroom has a more stable floor with a walk-in shower so she can be more easily bathed, and railings were included to hopefully help her not fall so often. They finished the bathroom, and Jay told me it was extremely tiring because his mother has begun wandering at night. She was often up at all hours, and this caused quite a bit of worry. After Jay left, she ended up falling in the middle of one of her night wanders and gashed her head open. She was given 3 staples, and the ER doctor told the stepfather it was no longer safe for her at home. There are no openings in Alzheimer's wards right now, and so Jay's mom is staying with her 90+ year old mother-in-law, where there is 24-hour nursing care. We are going to have to chip in and pay for this, but I'm not sure yet how much, or how we will be able to.

While Jay was in S. GA I headed to AL to visit with my Aunt Faye. She had recently been told her cancer is terminal, and she had little time left. None of us could know how little, though. While I was there I help her to stay clean, did the laundry, and visited with her. She had begun hospice care, and they assisted her with caring for her tumors and bathing daily. I loved the hospice nurses, they were so frank and honest and open with us all. Aunt Faye was having a very difficult time, and the very first night we ended up calling in hospice. She was taking coumadin for blood clots, but this would lead to free blooding from the tumors that were growing outside her body. When I left a week later, we had just begun giving her ativan for the anxiety. It was the first time I had seen her sleep since I had arrived. She was taking hydrocodone for pain.

I arrived back in LA, and Jay then headed to Chicago for a week for work. When he arrived home, I got a phone call that my Aunt had begun to get worse, and I should head home. I booked a ticket for two days later. I was able to talk to her one last time on the phone. By the time I arrived, she was no longer conscious and was taking morphine. She died 6 hours after I arrived, on June 16 at 3:30 am. My sister and I arranged a memorial service, where I somehow delivered a brief eulogy. I was sick and exhausted by the time I arrived home. Jay tells me that I had nightmares the first few days back. I slept about 30 hours this weekend. I am beginning to feel human again. I am executor of my Aunt's estate, so I have to figure out how to handle all the legal details. I dread this.

Sometimes it feels like the more work I finish, the more work I uncover that needs to be finished... I am editing the hydro proteome manuscript, and it will need at least one section added, maybe two. And all the figures and tables need to be updated. Glargh.

It seems like I only feel the urge to post these days when things are getting tough. I think that goes back to my year in therapy, when I used journaling to help me recognize disordered thoughts. I have to say, a year of cognitive therapy was the best thing that's ever happened to me outside of marrying Jay. I am very grateful that UGA had a program that permitted payment based on your income, not on how much they could charge. Otherwise I'd still be a mess.

I could use some serious therapy right now, career therapy that is. I started my post-doc in October 20007, and since then I've not gathered enough data to publish a single article. Not for lack of working or thinking or trying. Just that nothing has worked out. I've published one review article, a very good one in a nice journal, but that alone will not get me a job in research. I think what I have to come to terms with is 1) I've shot any chance at an academic career down, and 2) I don't think that an academic career is really what I want deep down anyways. I attended a seminar last week by Peter Fiske (author of Putting Your PhD to Work) and left feeling really good about finding something else to do. But then my experiments, which had been going along so smoothly, failed utterly and I've plummeted to the pit of scientific despair again. I feel like I'm starting from square one with no where to go, and no idea what to do. Not a good feeling for someone who tends to plan their life out carefully.

To put the cherry on the cake, I've now officially gained back every pound I'd lost on WeightWatchers all those years ago. Blech. I attended meeting this morning, and I know I need to start avoiding the dessert drawer at work and moving more. But I feel so angry at myself for letting this happen. I've been watching it slowly happen over the last few years, and here I am. Fat and feeling depressed and kind of hopeless. Maybe I should head home and pull out the cognitive behavior books, see if something kicks in. No quick fixes, not here. I know they don't exist. But wow, what I wouldn't give to find one.

I realized that soon, the Los Angeles apartment will be longest we've ever lived in a single dwelling. We lived for a longer period of time in Athens, GA, but we moved apartments there after 4 years. While it has been nice in many ways, I realized that I miss moving. I especially miss moving to other cities or states, the further the better. I would love to move to a totally different country, but that's a bit more difficult to pull off.

I love setting up a new apartment, and finding out about a new neighborhood, the best places to eat, the people you meet, the places you hike, where to watch the sun rise or set. I think I love the feeling of potential. That here will be a place where great things happen in your life, you are starting over, a fresh page ready to be written in a steadier hand than before.

But I know that the time is coming, sooner now than later, when I will be leaving this place. I worry about Meow, that she is getting older and moving is getting harder for her. She needs warm spots to sleep, good views, and a nice lawn. I worry that Jay gets tired of being pulled from place to place, and wants to put down real roots (he never had them growing up). But I think that I could be happy moving on from just about any place... because the next spot on the horizon might just be the one.

As usual, life has been busy. I am really beginning to feel the "second shift" phenomenon. After work everyday, I get home and start all over again with cooking, dishes, housework, laundry, ironing, etc. I haven't gotten any work done on our blog recently, or on my scrapbooks. I'm hoping that I will get to work on those soon.

One problem is that when Jay goes out of town (like this weekend) rather than spending that time getting caught up on my to-do list I over-schedule myself doing social things. I do think that it is important, though, that I am social. I would be a total hermit if I let myself be, and I know logically that I enjoy memories I make with people, and those connections, more than I enjoy a perfectly clean house or polished to-do list. And quite frankly, I will never conquer my to-do list, because once one thing is finished two more show up to take its place!

This weekend was a lot of fun. Jay flew out early Saturday morning. That day I ran some errands, went to lab, and that evening went with Chris and Cathy to a grill-out at Gil & Alex's house. We had marshmallows over a fire pit, lots of yummy food. I missed my WeightWatchers meeting, but I still journaled everything I ate. Sunday I got up and went to Pilates, lab, and did the grocery shopping. I spent the afternoon baking (made a pumpkin cheesecake for dessert club at work, a mac and cheese casserole, and pumpkin muffins) and in the early evening handed out candy to the trick-or-treaters. The kids are so darn cute! That evening I dressed as flapper (but wore my Columbia jacket over my costume, so the effect was kind of ruined) and went to West Hollywood Halloween Carneval with Gil and Alex. It was crazy! The costumes and huge number of people... unforgettable. I can't wait to get pictures from Gil.

It was difficult to get back to work today, and my productivity was CRAP. It has been lately, which has been frustrating. I'm starting a Mindful Awareness Practices class tomorrow, and I hope that I get a lot out of it. I'm excited, so we'll see what I think.